In my own experience, one guy’s parents thought us too “middle class,” one family said the horoscope didn’t match, and one family would simply refuse to accept the fact that I couldn’t connect with the guy. All this AFTER I told my mother I wanted some time to figure things out with the man I’m dating at present. Even now, my mother’s most common lament is: “But you have liked him for almost a year (she will NEVER use the word “dating” or “boyfriend” or “in love”—other mothers would probably think her daughter’s state to be “contagious”), why can’t you just get married.”
Well, ma, and all Indian mothers out there, we know real life is not so simple. We know that not everything has a quick-fix solution in the form of our parents telling us what to do. If you want us to take care of you when you are old, we need to take care of ourselves first. Freedom for us is not a burden as much as letting go for you seems to be. We want to be happy, and that doesn’t come in the form of “ABC Auntie’s Son.” True freedom means not having people, even if it’s your parents telling you that that have “let you” do something as important as deciding who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Carrying a baby becomes heavy after a while, not because of the weight of the child but the weight of our own conscience.
And to all Indian children out there: for an irreversible decision, especially where the direct impact is on you, also take the responsibility to make sure you decide what that impact should be like.
