They always say that the only way to fail is never to try. I can believe that in every aspect of my life. If I didn’t have the guts to go for something than that, in and of itself, was the failure.
But what about marriage?
I am terrified of getting married. I always felt it was because of the “Bail Factor.” I thought I always needed the ability to bail without warning, without court, or without dividing my earnings. I lived by the bail factor almost to a fault.
I was engaged in 1992 and in the beginning it was beautiful to plan a wedding, however, the more involved I got the more the wedding seemed to suffocate me. With every color choice and napkin, I was removing my ability to bail. I started to stall. He started to get feisty. Our daughter was born in 1994 and we still weren’t married.
He was in the military and when he was deployed in 1995 to another state, I didn’t go. I honestly don’t think we ever officially broke up. I just didn’t want the relationship anymore and so I stopped. We have always maintained a connection because of our child but our relationship just didn’t return. I was unwilling to move and he had no choice but to stay where he was by military order. He was married in 1998 and I remember being overjoyed because our relationship was officially over. I know it’s crazy.
As a web radio host, I encounter thousands of different people every month as we discuss a variety of topics. Not only do I host a show but I am an avid listener of other shows and I heard something on a relationship show on Sunday that struck a cord with me.
The conversation was about marriage and how some people just fear marriage. I admitted that I am definitely one of those people. Another woman in the chat room said she also feared marriage but because she fears failure and that the failure of the marriage would be the ultimate failure for her.
I was stunned. Is it possible that I am that person? Do I fear marriage because I fear failing at it?
Just hearing that I had to take it to my show on Monday night. We were already scheduled to talk about relationships so I had to ask the following questions:
Would divorce be considered a “failure” for a marriage?
Does the fact that the marriage fails reduce your self worth?
Would the fear of failing at marriage prevent you from getting married?
The answers were astounding. This fear of failure can account for many women, especially those in their mid to late 30s.
Now, I ask you: What are your thoughts on fearing the failure of marriage?
