Last year I dated a guy who snooped through my phone while I was in the shower. He admitted this to me after my obligatory, half-hearted prying of “what’s wrong” in response to his melancholic gaze out the window.
I was taken aback by his admission. No, I didn’t feel violated or angry, as I suppose I should. His nervous, somber face shifted to a look of mortification when I blurted out, “Aren’t you supposed to be a man?”
I’m a woman and therefore I’m allowed to be psycho. We are cursed with intuition and we use it as justification for psycho behavior such as cell phone intrusion, email break-ins, Myspace page research, spyware on the computer—you know, the usual. I’m sure women will read that and gasp at how I have set back feminist efforts with these statements. Save it. If you’re not doing it, you are popping a Xanax and then sitting on your hands. And if you’re Xanax-free, then you’re settling, because clearly you’re not that into him.
In my discovery that I might actually be dating a fifteen-year-old girl rather than a twenty-nine-year old man, it has become quite apparent that I’m not alone. These teenage girls disguised as men seem to be all around us. And they are dating my friends.
Take for instance, a guy we’ll call Mark. Mark dated my friend that we’ll call Laura for four months, tops. Laura politely and respectfully excused herself out of the relationship nearly two months ago now, and upon doing so, Mark got out his pompoms and glitter pen and set out to win her back. A few samples from notes put in her locker; or as we call in modern times, text messages and emails.
I sent you a text last night to see how your trip went but did not get a response from you.
You didn’t get a response? Some would consider that a hint, but we appreciate your follow up.
I don’t know if you read any of my other emails that I sent you have you?
A+ for determination. Someone must have not explained that the “squeaky wheel” theory is best applicable to business scenarios. Dating? Not so much.
If you want to act like a bitch act like a bitch. I tried being nice and it didn’t work! So going to beat the brakes off this girl at my place!
