Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

By: Amanda Pagliarini (View Profile)

Last year I dated a guy who snooped through my phone while I was in the shower. He admitted this to me after my obligatory, half-hearted prying of “what’s wrong” in response to his melancholic gaze out the window.

I was taken aback by his admission. No, I didn’t feel violated or angry, as I suppose I should. His nervous, somber face shifted to a look of mortification when I blurted out, “Aren’t you supposed to be a man?”

I’m a woman and therefore I’m allowed to be psycho. We are cursed with intuition and we use it as justification for psycho behavior such as cell phone intrusion, email break-ins, Myspace page research, spyware on the computer—you know, the usual. I’m sure women will read that and gasp at how I have set back feminist efforts with these statements. Save it. If you’re not doing it, you are popping a Xanax and then sitting on your hands. And if you’re Xanax-free, then you’re settling, because clearly you’re not that into him.  

In my discovery that I might actually be dating a fifteen-year-old girl rather than a twenty-nine-year old man, it has become quite apparent that I’m not alone. These teenage girls disguised as men seem to be all around us.  And they are dating my friends.

Take for instance, a guy we’ll call Mark. Mark dated my friend that we’ll call Laura for four months, tops. Laura politely and respectfully excused herself out of the relationship nearly two months ago now, and upon doing so, Mark got out his pompoms and glitter pen and set out to win her back. A few samples from notes put in her locker; or as we call in modern times, text messages and emails.

I sent you a text last night to see how your trip went but did not get a response from you.

You didn’t get a response? Some would consider that a hint, but we appreciate your follow up.

I don’t know if you read any of my other emails that I sent you have you?

A+ for determination. Someone must have not explained that the “squeaky wheel” theory is best applicable to business scenarios. Dating? Not so much.

If you want to act like a bitch act like a bitch. I tried being nice and it didn’t work! So going to beat the brakes off this girl at my place!

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Comments
posted: 09.23.2008
Daniel
If I wasn't laughing my culo off at some of these responses (& the article, itself), I'd cry. Oops, is that too "sissy" for you, kiwi? I know there a men out there probably very much like the men described in this story. But there is a significant number of men who don't fit Kiwi's unfortunate "sissy" appellation & profile or the opposite, "cowboy" types. Most men reside somewhere in the middle. They may or may not want to, that's an individual issue. But certainly, just about any man you ask who's in a true relationship with a woman will tell you that women themselves do what they can to keep us walking a tightrope. Can't be "too" strong. That leads to boorish, macho, potenitally abusive behavior. Can't be too "sensitive" because after some point in time, many women will tire of that, become contemptuous of that man, and eventually walk all over him. He's done, then. Women...I'm not trying to negative, but really...think about it, is it possible that many of act this way w/your men?
posted: 09.18.2008
Raven112358
Ms. Little, I was referring not to the behavior of the women in the article, but the author's assertion that women are "allowed to be psycho" and that "If you’re not doing it,you are popping a Xanax and then sitting on your hands." It was the idea of justifying anti-social conduct with so-called female intuition with which I didn't agree. It seemed hypocritical to say it's OK for us but wrong for men. Apologies if that was unclear. Also, please understand this is only my personal opinion. I'm sorry it caused you sufficient consternation to warrant the Bambi lecture.
posted: 09.18.2008
Alexis Little
I'm truly perplexed by these comments. The first girl in the story "politely and respectfully" broke off her relationship. The lady at the end went on one date. One date. She was never "in a relationship" with this man. Why are these women considered rude, heartless, uncaring, disrespectful, childish, petulant, etc, etc??? If I was the first girl in this story, I would expect an award for not responding to those text messages from her ex like I would want to. Sometimes, when you have nothing nice to say, its better to say nothing at all. Obviously not a lesson many of these commentators learned growing up.
posted: 09.18.2008
Dana
I think its very important to clearly communicate both your desire to stay IN a relationship, and your desire to END a relationship. Simply not returning calls or texts is, at best, disrespectful and uncaring. Be blunt - say good bye. If he continues calling/texting/emailing at that point, don't return them. But unless you are in a dangerous situation, tell them goodbye face to face, not in an email, not in a phone call, not in a text. In short, say goodbye in a manner you wish to have it said to you.
posted: 09.16.2008
Tom
Thanks girls - this makes me feel even better about my catch and release policy - Cowboy Tom
It feels good to write.

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