Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?

By: Amanda Pagliarini (View Profile)


Enough beating up on Mark. On this very same weekend, my friend, we will call Erica, was approached by her on-again, off-again teenage girl boyfriend, we’ll call John, about doing something on Saturday night. When Erica told him to call her on Saturday afternoon and they’d figure something out, John literally stomped his foot, looked up and closed his eyes as he said, “I just can’t take this lifestyle Erica,” and walked away.

This lifestyle? What the hell is he talking about? And what’s with the foot stomping? I told her we’d have to chalk it up to him being on the rag.

Probably most disconcerting about this epidemic is when I learned that this transcends Generation Y. A baby boomer in my office asked me “hypothetically” if after two unreturned voicemails, three unreturned emails, and three unreturned text messages, if it would still be unclear as to whether or not she was interested to the man she went out with last week. I was astonished, but perhaps I shouldn’t have been.

The other day when she told me she had “taken care of it,” I inquired as to how. I just had this intuitive feeling that unless she had it “taken care of” mafia style, nothing had been taken care of. She told me she bit the bullet and replied to one of his emails to let him know she wasn’t interested. I couldn’t help but chuckle. “He’ll be back,” I told her. A man who can’t grasp the message of unreturned calls, emails, and texts isn’t going to grasp direct confrontation either.

Any guesses on how many times she heard from him this weekend?

So I’m left with the same Paula Cole pondering: Where have all the cowboys gone? Perhaps it’s not their fault. Maybe in these times if you’re not presented with a rose, backstage pass, key, or oversized clock necklace in a public elimination ceremony, you simply don’t know where you stand.

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Comments
posted: 09.23.2008
Daniel
If I wasn't laughing my culo off at some of these responses (& the article, itself), I'd cry. Oops, is that too "sissy" for you, kiwi? I know there a men out there probably very much like the men described in this story. But there is a significant number of men who don't fit Kiwi's unfortunate "sissy" appellation & profile or the opposite, "cowboy" types. Most men reside somewhere in the middle. They may or may not want to, that's an individual issue. But certainly, just about any man you ask who's in a true relationship with a woman will tell you that women themselves do what they can to keep us walking a tightrope. Can't be "too" strong. That leads to boorish, macho, potenitally abusive behavior. Can't be too "sensitive" because after some point in time, many women will tire of that, become contemptuous of that man, and eventually walk all over him. He's done, then. Women...I'm not trying to negative, but really...think about it, is it possible that many of act this way w/your men?
posted: 09.18.2008
Raven112358
Ms. Little, I was referring not to the behavior of the women in the article, but the author's assertion that women are "allowed to be psycho" and that "If you’re not doing it,you are popping a Xanax and then sitting on your hands." It was the idea of justifying anti-social conduct with so-called female intuition with which I didn't agree. It seemed hypocritical to say it's OK for us but wrong for men. Apologies if that was unclear. Also, please understand this is only my personal opinion. I'm sorry it caused you sufficient consternation to warrant the Bambi lecture.
posted: 09.18.2008
Alexis Little
I'm truly perplexed by these comments. The first girl in the story "politely and respectfully" broke off her relationship. The lady at the end went on one date. One date. She was never "in a relationship" with this man. Why are these women considered rude, heartless, uncaring, disrespectful, childish, petulant, etc, etc??? If I was the first girl in this story, I would expect an award for not responding to those text messages from her ex like I would want to. Sometimes, when you have nothing nice to say, its better to say nothing at all. Obviously not a lesson many of these commentators learned growing up.
posted: 09.18.2008
Dana
I think its very important to clearly communicate both your desire to stay IN a relationship, and your desire to END a relationship. Simply not returning calls or texts is, at best, disrespectful and uncaring. Be blunt - say good bye. If he continues calling/texting/emailing at that point, don't return them. But unless you are in a dangerous situation, tell them goodbye face to face, not in an email, not in a phone call, not in a text. In short, say goodbye in a manner you wish to have it said to you.
posted: 09.16.2008
Tom
Thanks girls - this makes me feel even better about my catch and release policy - Cowboy Tom
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