I’m sitting in the car all by myself trying to keep breathing and calm down. I have no idea where he is. He yelled something about just leaving him alone and then got out and slammed the door. I didn’t follow him. I didn’t even look to see in which direction he went. I was determined not to let this ruin my day. Every weekend, it seems to be something. This weekend, I guess, would be like the others. It was a crisp Saturday morning with the sun fighting its way out from behind white cotton clouds. Perfect day, except for the small, minor detail of us fighting.
I finally get out of the car and decide to hike to see the waterfall by myself. I felt that if I kept a positive attitude that maybe things might take a turn for the better and at least I wouldn’t be a teary mess all day. It was a beautiful walk. The forest was quiet except for the sound of running water and birds chirping. I began to feel very peaceful. I felt more calm the more I walked and breathed. It became like a walking meditation.
It doesn’t take long to reach the top. He’s already there, but we avoid each other as we take in the noisy and beautiful waterfall. The sun chose this moment to break free of the billowy clouds and shine down on us. That’s when I heard his footsteps behind me. When I turned to look at him, he immediately said he was sorry. And then he gave this apologetic smile and held his arms out for me to climb into for a big hug. I was glad that he was able to work through being upset so fast. Sometimes he can take a while and it will be a whole day gone before we’ve made up and are back to making nice. It felt good. We were still growing as a couple. We might make it yet, I thought.
We both stood and watched the water careen off the side of the cliff. He pointed out that if we knelt down at a certain spot, we would be almost exactly on the level of the water as it made its free fall dive. “This is where the waterfall begins,” he said. I tried to capture this with my camera and didn’t notice that he wasn’t still there next to me when I stood up. I turned around, looking at my camera and saw him. He was still kneeling, but this time, on only one knee.
I don’t think my brain and heart knew really what was happening. I remember some clear thoughts like voiceovers that narrated the events—he is proposing. This is an amazing moment. All time stopped. “I love you. I want you to be the mother of my children, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” Such simple words but they wielded such power. The tears in his eyes were unmistakable. He reached for my hand and the only thing I can remember saying is, “You have a ring?!” I was completely impressed with his thoughtfulness. This wasn’t just a spur of the moment thing, he had planned this. My tears fell faster. Love swelled my heart. I’m not even quite sure if I actually said the word “yes” after he proposed or if I just started hugging and kissing him. We held each other for a very long time. I pulled back only once to whisper through my tears, “Nothing would make me happier.”
We wanted to commemorate the occasion somehow so we used a pencil to write in the wooden barrier our initials and the date. It wasn’t just a proposal for marriage; it was a rite of passage for our relationship. We had put so much effort into us; I feel that our three and a half years together were really much more like ten. If anyone deserved a celebration, we certainly did. Two people coming together into a successful couple took energy and work. We had come to realize that. There were moments that we would be so exhausted by it all. I know we both at times felt like giving up. Neither of us could walk away in the end. The love that we had and the hope that we shared kept us there, always trying.
The fact that he proposed to me after an argument means more to me than if we had a fairy-tale happy relationship. It said to me, No, we aren’t perfect, but I love you. I love you and I’m committing to you because I believe in you. I believe in us. With my acceptance, I said to him, I don’t need to wait until things are perfect between us. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know we can do it. I couldn’t make sense of that at the time, but as I calmed down from the initial high and my brain started working again, I knew it to be true. I could look in his eyes and know. There were no qualms. There was no second-guessing. Our relationship began anew that day. Just like the water giving into gravity to flow over the cliff, we gave into a force greater than us and dove headlong into a future together. Because we have taken the leap, there’s really no stopping us now. This is just where we begin.
