We all know there’s a honeymoon phase in every relationship—the hearts and flowers, one is so madly in love or lust ... things are GREAT! And then reality sets in. He or she seems not to be the person you thought you knew. You want them to love you like you were loved when you met, but they’re now noticing you have flaws; they do, too.
When we met (four years ago and online), everything we had said to each other, we had shown each other, was what we were. The stars in my eyes must’ve been blind, or maybe I was so dumb in love, I didn’t see. Or he lied. I’m really not sure anymore.
My man is an alcoholic ... and I’m finding it quite difficult to live with. I’ve been to Al-Anon online and in person and will continue to go because it gives me hope. I’ve experienced much anxiety due to his drinking ... never know how he’s going to “hear” me—he gets really nasty and vicious.
I’d love to be able to trust him again, respect him, and love him, but I’m finding it extremely difficult. I’m trying to let god guide me to an answer and I know I have to be patient, but I’m fearful. Regardless of where I land, I won’t be able to get back to that lovin’ feelin ... with anyone.
I’m not afraid of being alone, but I’d prefer to have someone special to share the ups and downs of life. I’d like to come to a better understanding of him ... our relationship can only get better if I can just get past the crap and get back to basics.
“God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
