Is My Relationships Fixable?

By: First Timer (View Profile)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and it’s been a roller coaster. We are both very stubborn and temperamental people. We fight constantly about the stupidest things and we both hate it. The funny thing is, I recently moved in with him. We both want desperately to make things better, but the thing is this is his second serious relationship and this is my first and I’m completely lost when it comes to fixing problems.

He’s always the one who fixes when we argue or when we are upset with each other. I see that in some situations he is improving on his attitude, but I just don’t know how I can improve on mine. Sometimes I catch myself living in the past and bringing up mistakes he’s made that hurt me and I’m not sure how to let those types of things go. People tell me I might be too immature to even be in a serious relationship, and I think it’s time for me to grow up and stop the childish high school bickering.

I want so badly to make this work. He is my first love and I want us to be able to make it and grow together and see how much further our relationship goes. We have talked about marriage and we both agreed we would, but only if things got better. Breaking up is not an option for either of us right now, nor is taking a break since we live together. If anything, it would be the very last resort. We still have some sort of hope for us; I just want everything to be right. I want to stop my attitude or at least learn how to tame it. Please give me some kind of reassurance that things can be fixed.

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posted: 10.15.2008
Ursula
I believe that all women go through this on some level, from my understanding we are notorious for never forgetting their past, and I include myself in that group unfortunately. Actually i had to recently break off my relationship of 3 years because of it, we too fought over the slightest thing, and we too were so determined to fix it, but somehow after what seemed like a path to improvement of max 2 weeks, (and that seemed to always be the story) the arguing and bickering continued. All i can say that if you truly love him put all your part into fixing what seems to be your problem (According to the story I got the gist that he is trying) maybe you can see a therapist for individual or couples counseling, but if you have genuinely tried to fix the issue then don't waste more of your time and energy, you'll just eventually grow apart and make the break up so much more difficult believe me my heart is still mending.
posted: 10.02.2008
anathema
ok, now, it's possible i'm reading my own life experiences into your story here, so forgive me if i'm mistaken. but you situation sounds so similar to one i found myself in some years ago. i was dating this guy who'd previously been engaged while i didn't really have any real relationships under my belt. i always deferred to him when we fought or when i was unsure, because he was supposed (and claimed) to be the expert. well, he wasn't. he was immature and insecure, and loved to fight dirty (like breaking up with me just to shut me up in the middle of an argument. then he would make up and it would be fine, with me none the wiser he'd never meant it in the first place). don't doubt yourself! in the relationship feels AT ALL wrong, don't move in together. you end up getting stuck (4 years for me) and you just become less and less happy, but never realizing it because you're so comfortable. this advice may not apply, but believe me, better to ask these questions now, rather than later.
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