Should I Move On or Stick It Out?

By: Anthony (View Profile)

Okay, so my girlfriend and I have been together now nearly three years. We have had many ups and downs, to include her finalizing her divorce. No, I had nothing to do with the divorce, she was in mid stride when I came around. We have a daughter together, nine months old, and she has three more. Yes, four kids, three dogs, and a cat. A very full apartment.

Anyway, I have never been in a truly serious relationship with anyone. She of course has. I am twenty-three, she is twenty-nine. Well I have had insecurity issues with her since we got serious. She has kids and an ex husband so yes, he is around. I am very uncomfortable with it because in the past I have stumbled upon a few things that I was not happy with. There were some inappropriate text messages that she said he must have sent from her phone before he deployed because he has done it before. In a letter she sent to him, she mentioned that she missed him being around since he was deployed. When he came back, she even cooked him dinner and didn’t see a problem with that.

Well it has been nearly a year or so since all of this has happened and I am just not happy. Things don’t seem to move in our direction at all. I work nights and take care of our daughter and make sure the other kids are off to school. I see my girlfriend for at most thirty minutes a day, three days a week. And the weekends are not much better.

I want to spend time with her but lately we have been doing nothing but arguing. I personally think she bends over backward for her ex husband just for the sake of their kids, or so she says. Personally, I don’t see a reason to spend anymore time than necessary drop of kids and certainly no reason to be inside either persons place for any amount of time. Now with working nights I have no clue what goes on at home. I don’t know if when he drops the kids off if he is really over a few minutes or hours. I have no clue if they all have dinner together or not. She says they don’t but I don’t trust her 100 percent.

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posted: 10.12.2008
Paula Steadman
You said yourself you didn;t trust her "100%", and your jelousy over her husband just lets her know that, loud and clear. Lighten up a little bit. If she wanted to be with her ex, she would not be bothering to fight with you. I believe that as long as you have something to fight over then you BOTH feel you have something to fight FOR. Have you told her that the closness between her and her ex troubles you? Does she blow it off or try to reasure you? I feel that a "whatever" attitude is often an attempt to avoid talking about something that is bothering the other person. That isn't a productive thing in a relationship and can lead to misunderstandings and greater feelings of insecurity. Good Luck to you both, and no mater what, you both have a child in this with you, not to mention her 3 previous children. Your relationship with eachother has more impact on them than it does on anyone else.
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