Why Surrender Can Bring You What You Truly Desire (Part 1)

And I had already done much work to reach a place in my life where I could survive on my own as well attract men who were truly supportive of me. “Marriage” however had a vibration of doom, gloom, and inevitability. So whenever Drew and I would head towards marriage I’d start to feel shut down and compromised, even as I felt a kamakazi-esque drive to steer us in that direction.
 
Drew, who had been married previously, had come to the conclusion that marriage was expensive, painful, and stifled his creativity. He was honest from the get go that he was interested in a long-term relationship but marriage had left a bad taste in his mouth.
 
So, it wasn’t surprising then that in October of last year, when we took a weekend trip down to Big Sur to vision our future, Drew got an intuitive hit that our paths were separating.
 
Shocked as I was emotionally, spiritually I wasn’t surprised. I had made a request to the universe the previous week that I was ready to do whatever it took to make sure I was back on track creatively and to regain a sense of freedom in my life. I had performed a powerful meditation technique with my friend Jacquelyn Aldana just a few days before this moment on a beach in Big Sur.
 
So that day, Drew headed down South and landed in Santa Barbara and I went home and found myself liberated for the first time in a long time to pursue my writing. We were both befuddled as we wondered if there was a matching belief that it was easier to be creative on our own than in relationship, as there was no question how much we adored on another.