My first love was Paul. I was only 16. When I ignorantly surrendered my innocence to prove my love I embarked on a journey of “life lessons.” In the end, I felt betrayed, used, and dishonored. When he was drafted I asked myself, “Do I want to wait for and be faithful to a man who hasn’t done the same for me? No.” I felt no remorse when I wrote him a “Dear John” letter, only saddened that I was writing to someone that I used to love. Interestingly, to this day I still feel a strong tie to this man.
My second love was Ronnie. He had recently finished his term in the military service as a police officer. Two military men in my life was unusual but we were living in a time of war and many were being called. I was impressed with Ronnie’s background; after all, I was young and impressionable. He seemed very responsible, kind, and “in control.” I thought those were traits to admire. He didn’t appreciate my choice of career and thought responsible people settle down, live their lives saving, and prepare for retirement. Good Lord, I was only 20 and on my way to fulfilling my dreams of singing and traveling the world. I had been settled down for 20 years, stuck in a nest wood, hay, and stubble. It was time to fly like an eagle! On our last date together before I went on tour with my band, I let my carnal fleshly desires control my better judgment. It was a brief moment of decision that affected the rest of my life! In a moment of heated passion we consummated our relationship and conceived a baby. I was sure the rhythm method would work. Surely one cannot get pregnant the first time two make love, no! It was a “no brainer.” I was the one with no brains! A couple of months later, I found myself checking into the hospital with two pints of poison blood in my belly from a tubal pregnancy that almost killed me. Needless to say, there was a baby that didn’t live. I named her “Angel.”
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