A new question has arrived. Unfortunately, it is an all too common issue: the female orgasm. Too many women are plagued with shame, sadness, and confusion related to their inability to orgasm. The question came from someone who only went by L. Here it is:
Joe Mama,
I have been married to my first and only boyfriend for seven years now and don’t think I’ve had the “big O.” I have tried masturbating to figure out my body and see if there is a spot people could not reach or touch to take me all the way. That did not work either. I mean, I don’t know what I am supposed to feel. I might have gotten there and not realized it because I was expecting more. I guess what I am asking is, is there something wrong with me? Am I just not able to have an orgasm? I am so tired of my friends telling me how wonderful, explosive, amazing it is and not being able to know what they are talking about. Can you please tell me what is going on with my body and tell me what I can do?
Confused and frustrated—L
L,
There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. That is one HUGE misconception held by women who have problems in this area. It is not you. It is not your partner. It is not a matter of being broken. It is not a problem. It is okay. For a woman, the orgasm is not induced by physical sensation, as much as it comes from a psychological mindset. It is not like running a race where there is a defined end and if you have a strong enough will you can force yourself to go the extra mile. In fact, forcing it usually hurts the situation. You wind up over thinking it. You worry more about trying to get there, than actually achieving the goal.
My biggest advice is to relax. Have fun and enjoy it. Like cake or ice cream or chocolate. Even if you never have an orgasm, you can have a ton of fun having sex and being intimate with your partner. You can share a physical manifestation of your love for each other that helps your relationship be stronger. It is funny how when you are not worried about the outcome, the journey can become much more satisfying.
