Why I Stayed and Why I Am Leaving

By: Chris George (View Profile)

My husband, soon-to-be ex, is a serial cheater. I found out in our eighth year of marriage that he had had more than one affair. He was forced to reveal that he had cheated because his latest liaison had resulted in the woman becoming pregnant. At least that is what we both were led to believe. At the time, he was traveling a lot because his consulting position demanded that he be onsite at the client’s location. I knew he had been acting strange, but I thought it was just due to fatigue from being on the road so much.

At first, after hearing the news of his betrayal, I could not believe that it was happening to me. It was such a horrible emotional trip. I did the usual, cried and cried until there were no tears left. He begged for forgiveness and pleaded for me not to leave him. You know the routine. I agreed to stay if he would agree to marriage counseling. I was not ready to let go and believed that we could save the marriage. To make a long story short, we spent a lot of money on this supposedly pregnant woman who never once saw a doctor during the entire pregnancy. She lived in a different state so there was only phone contact. In the end, she supposedly gave birth but refused to tell us where and how the child was doing.  When she asked for more money, I said, no baby, no payday. After seven long months of this crap, I could not believe her nerve. She eventually disappeared. But she knew something that I did not know at the time. That I was the fool.

Over the last four years, we have spent time in and out of counseling with several different counselors. Well, you guessed it. I began to notice that we were no longer having sex regularly. Each time I tried to initiate any type of romantic encounter, he would bring up some sort of excuse. He is not the type of person to ever turn down sex in any situation. I began to suspect that something had to be wrong. A week ago, I confronted him and he admitted once again that he had cheated several weeks ago. He said it was because he had gotten some bad news at work that was upsetting. I then remembered the night that he had gone out with some friends (so he said) and did not come home until 7 a.m. the next morning. When he arrived home, he told me that he had fallen asleep on the train and did not wake up until several hours later. I thought it a bit strange, but did not say anything at the time.

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posted: 11.11.2008
Terry Bolo
Why are we so doggedly determined to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear! We want that fantasy to be real so badly! Look at all the time, energy, frustration, effort, emotion, we spend trying to make our fairy tale real! Reading all these stories, and mine too, we all gave them way too much credit, too much time, too much love and attention, waiting for them to man up, do the right thing, be an ethical person, be the loving caring man we hoped and dreamed they would be. Why do so many men suck!? We let them get away with it! Ass out the door, first offense! End of story! No take backs, how many times have you heard the story, he cheated I took him back, he did it again!
posted: 10.16.2008
emily
I could never imagine the despairity of an 8 year marriage ending due to infidelity, but I know that your faith will bring you through and you will be surprised at the beautiful blessings that will eventually come out of this. Just be patient and don't lose faith. Friends and family are there for you, and this is a time to reconnect if you have taken any other relationships for granted or have just simply passed up oppurtunities to be with your loved ones. Stay strong, stay positive, and know that you deserve so much more in life. Love always.
posted: 10.15.2008
Patty Ann
Honey? You are not the loser. Wait till he wakes up and realizes what he ruined! Hang in there. Time really does heal. Love, Patty Ann
posted: 10.14.2008
Maria
Your not the loser in the end, HE is!!!!!!!! Take care of yourself.
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