This story contains mature or graphic content.
I have never told or written my whole story. A few close friends know I were molested but don’t know the details. I just feel I need to talk or write it out. Since talking about it is way too embarrassing, I am here.
I can’t remember when it exactly started for me. My older brother molested me for years. I have a scar on my lower back, so when I was about eight he told me that if he rubbed some sort of cream on it, it would help diminish the scar. I hate this scar so was willing to try anything. It was innocent at first, that was all he did, and I was dressed. When I wasn’t much older, he started showing me Playboy and told me that I would look like them someday. I of course was somewhat interested so I felt guilty. He started bringing home porn and making me watch it with him. He still showed me Playboy but now he would point to the ladies and tell me what he did to his girlfriends. He started coming in my room at night to rub cream on my back. This eventually turned into him touching me between my legs. He told me that all girls want this from boys that it was okay because we weren’t biologically related. (I am adopted, he is not.)
He told me that if I said anything to mom and dad they would not believe me, that it would tear up the family and it would be all my fault. I believed him about my parents not believing me. This went on for years. He continued to touch me. It turned into him making me touch him and performing oral sex on me. I remember he tried to have intercourse with me but couldn’t because I was too small. He tried a few more times. All these years I would go to bed and worry about him coming in my room. If he was out, I knew it would just be later, especially when he had a date and if they didn’t want to give him anything (his words). It finally came to an end when I think I was fifteen; he tried to have intercourse with me again. I don’t know what over came me, or if I just finally felt I was physically strong enough to stop him. But I held my legs closed as tightly as I could and held my sheet on me. I told him, “If you lay a hand on me I will scream my head off and wake mom and dad. He didn’t say a word, just left my room. He never tried it again. I never told anyone.
