When you’ve been married to the same man for thirty-two years and then that marriage breaks up, where does that leave you? I was use to being a wife, as being a Mrs. Somebody. Suddenly that is ripped away and I am left feeling nameless and drifting. It is worse when my soon-to-be ex-husband has a girlfriend and he is inserting her in all the places where we were a couple. We had a boat together; now he takes her to the boat, which to me is like bringing her to our home and having sex with her in our bed.
How can he think that this is okay in any way? How can she go along with it? He actually introduced her to one of our friends as “this is Carolyn’s best friend.” I know if I was in her position, I would have been very uncomfortable. I also would have felt like I was on display and not very respected by him. But I cannot begin to try to understand her. I am trying to save myself here and come out a happier, better-adjusted person. I am fighting the feeling that I am being replaced and someone else is living my life.
You know when a famous person breaks up with his/her spouse or significant other and now you see them with the new person? Whatever happened to the wife? At least with Jennifer Aniston we still hear about her (and way too much about Brad and what’s her name), but what about the president of France? Where is his ex-wife? Do we all just slip into oblivion? And speaking of celebrities, what sane man would cheat on Christie Brinkley or Shania Twain? So girls, I don’t think it’s us. I think the men are going through some huge late life crisis and the only way they can feel good about themselves is to “charm” some younger, not quite so intelligent, other woman.
The way I am trying to deal with it all is to try to keep things light and funny. I do have a good sense of humor that my husband never appreciated. Once, after he had been drinking heavily and I was driving, he asked me to pull over so he could relieve himself. (Why do men feel this is appropriate behavior? Do you ever see women squatting by the side of the road?) This was about 7 o’clock at night and he said it was because of all the coffee he drank that morning. I started to laugh and he got furious! Any one of his friends could have said the same thing and it would have been okay with him. That was one of our problems.
He also had to have approval and acceptance from his friends before he farted. He actually used to have a comb over. After twenty years, I was sick of it and told him if he did not cut if off, I was leaving. So he proceeded to go around to all his friends and get their opinions. One even volunteered to go with him and get his own head shaved! My husband finally shaved his head and looked 100 percent better. He told me he did it for me, but if his friends had not encouraged him to make the change, he would not have done it. To put it simply, he cared more about his friends than me.
Looking back, I think these were all signs that our relationship was not what it should have been. I am hoping that someday I will thank him for letting me go. I will find a man who loves and appreciates me for who I am, warts and all. I know there are men out there like that. Now it’s just a matter of finding him. I plan to have fun looking!
