Adoption: Ten Things Any Waiting Father Should Know

Number #1: Understand that when your wife hears, “You know what they say, once you sign up with an adoption agency, you’ll get pregnant,” it’s just a reassurance to her that by having to adopt and being unable to conceive, she’s less of a woman. It’s obviously not true and will most certainly hurt her feelings the first dozen times she hears it. Try and come up with a good response to comments like these that you both can use.

Number #2: Learn as much as you can about the adoption process and what to expect along the way. Your wife is probably out there absorbing and learning all sorts of information about your selected agency and other resources available. There are a plethora of books available for women in the waiting game, and if she’s anything like me, she’s reading them left and right. Unfortunately, there aren’t so many options out there for waiting dads. Your adoption agency should be able to provide a list of suggested reading. Or simply go ahead and read the ones written with your wife in mind. The information applies to you as well. The books are usually just written in a female tone and voice.

Number #3: Don’t pretend that the holidays are easy. Occasions based around family, especially mothers day for your wife and father’s day for you, will be particularly trying. My husband and I discussed celebrating both, like a family who was pregnant would, but decided that the pressure was too big. Consider these: What if two or three fathers days go by before you are a dad? What if the little stocking you bought for junior’s first Christmas goes unfilled? Discuss with your wife how you both want to celebrate the holidays while waiting for the addition to your family.

Number #4: Tell anyone and everyone that you are in the process of adopting. Most domestic adoptions are first initiated through word of mouth. It may sound odd at first, relating your adoption desires to your IT guy at work, but the more people who know what you want—a baby—the more people you have out there helping in your search. I know of people who have made up business cards and buttons to hand out. I’ve even handed out a few myself.