The notion still surprises me, that they can paint and color without my worrying that it’s going to end up as a mixed media mural on the kitchen cabinets. Or the floor. Or the handmade quilt draped over the back of the couch, for that matter.
Decisions I let them make, for instance, is a slight test on both our parts. Which for me bundles into the saying “choose your battles”, and often means “give them a little leeway, let them breathe, show them what it feels like.” Sure, there are decisions like “what skirt will you wear to Sunday School today?” or “Do you want an apple or applesauce as your fruit for lunch?”
But to watch them create relationships with kids at the playground or work out a conflict over story choices at night, or hold back from a tantrum when things aren’t going the way they intended, takes a little breath from me … but in return, I feel it is being placed inside of them for strength and courage. I like to think that anyway.
And then there are the unspoken decisions they make for themselves that I let go, I watch and wonder what urged them in their heads to do some of the things they do.
Claire, last night, took a bath and went upstairs to get her pajamas on. She ended up in a semi-formal tank top with ruffles and capri pants, adorned with colored flowers and ribbon. I figured later, she would change into her pajamas, but alas, at story time, she announced she’d be wearing the outfit to bed. The night before, she wore a skirt and blouse. The night before, her bathing suit, which she dug out of the clean laundry basket.
And as we settled in bed after stories and hymns, she arranged her bedding while I stood by and patiently watched, hoping it wouldn’t take unusually long. Sometimes it takes a minute, sometimes twenty.
Within seconds, she had turned herself around and made a bed for herself, her head at the foot of her bed, her feet on her pillow.
And there she slept all night.
This morning though, I realized as they climbed into bed with me after they woke up, that some things will probably always stay.
