Raising a Kid Safely in the ’Hood

By: Judith Matloff (View Profile)

My stomach sank the moment we arrived home from the hospital with our newborn baby. There in front of the house loitered the narcotics gang that ruled our street in Harlem.
 
First to step forth was the head of the drug crew. He offered stiff congratulations as he peered at our precious bundle. Then the one I feared most—a malodorous crack addict named Salami—let out a menacing yelp. “Oooh, he’s so pretty. Just like the Gerber baby! Watch out someone doesn’t steal him!”

As I began to hyperventilate, my levelheaded husband fixed his eyes ahead and advised me to get a grip on my mounting hysteria. “It’s going to be okay,” John insisted firmly. “Trust me.”

I didn’t believe him at the time. But John was right.

Raising a child in this inner city presented challenges, to be sure. At that time, seven years ago, this area was one of the worst anywhere in the U.S. for narcotics trading. On a given day, sixty drug dealers stood outside our front door hawking cocaine. My husband and I moved here because we couldn’t afford anything else. We were childless when we bought our brownstone and didn’t ponder what it would be like bringing up a kid next door to a crack house. Now we had to confront our predicament. But with some creativity and open minds, we have managed to bring up our son, Anton, safely in the ’hood.
 
First off, much is a matter of perception. What we anxious parents tend to forget is that little ones don’t have a clue what’s going on. Toddlers don’t realize that the guy passed out on the playground slide has overdosed. The kids simply notice that someone is taking a noon nap. For example, consider the time a hostile cocaine peddler spray-painted a threat as I wheeled Anton by in the stroller. I was scared, but not my toddler. All Anton fixated on was the paint color, which happened to be one of his favorites.
 
“Orange!” Anton gurgled happily.

Later in the week, the little guy wasn’t the least shaken when the police came round to probe the threat. As the lieutenant and I discussed the potential danger—which turned out to be nil—Anton beamed at the glint of the officer’s handcuffs. The child apparently thought they were shiny toys. I doubt he even noticed the gun. 

Of course, we’d rather that Anton not be exposed to crime and we keep an eagle eye on whoever hangs around the block.

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posted: 10.10.2008
Emi Hofmeister
Inspiring stuff. Anton will undoubtedly grow up with greater perspective and appreciation for the diversity of American life than his Park Avenue peers. What a great attitude you and your husband share.
posted: 10.05.2008
Chantale Reve
I dug your story, but please bear in mind that gentrificaton in and of itself comes with its own sorts of problems.
posted: 10.02.2008
Janice Toepfer
Great story. True for too many neighborhoods. There isn't a neighborhood in the country that is immune from drugs or violence. I interview gunshot victims who moved out to safer places to get away from the drugs and violence, only to have it follow them & find them. If they have a taste for drugs, they will find it no matter where they live. TV tends to glorify the villians and make them look so cool. Kids want to be cool. Its a tough job to raise a child now. Sounds like you are doing it well and have the support of like-minded people. You wrote it beautifully!
posted: 10.02.2008
Sal Taylor
There was a shooting in my neighborhood in Venice only last week. The man was killed in retaliation for some gang-related feud - it all happened a block from my son's school. I write about it here - certainly makes you put everything into perspective http://beta.intent.com/putting-it-into-perspective
posted: 10.01.2008
Genie
I liked to say that its great to hear other people in the same situtation take advantage of the bad and turn it into good. Not everyone in this world has an open eye like you. People like you are our Martin Luther Kings and Jonh F. Kennedy's. You make a difference.
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