Smile Whore

He’s looking my way. He gives me a wink, then a laugh, he turns away. He looks back, our eyes meet. He smiles. I melt inside. He smiles again and turns away. But wait. He’s smiling at … someone else … the mailman? He’s smiling at the mailman? And now the creepy neighbor who never changes out of his bathrobe … Now the homeless man on the corner who wears leggings and roller skates? Him too. He gets a smile? The UPS man just pulled up. Does he get a smile too? Yes! The UPS man gets the special smile only intended for me! I’m incensed. I’m outraged. I thought I was special. I thought we had something. But now it’s clear, my son will smile at anyone who passes. My son is a smile whore.

Before I had my son, I was always dubious of being the kind of Mom who needed her kid’s love. I never wanted to be the Mom who’d say things like, “My baby loves me the most,” or “Where would you ever go without me?” Quite frankly, Moms whose only accomplishments are their child, who live through their kids, make me sad. In fact, I think those women are sort of pathetic. Our kids aren’t born to make us happier or to better our lives. In fact, kids don’t have to give back at all. We’re here to make our kids happier and to better their lives. It’s a one-way street that’s not coming Mom’s way.

Then my boy arrived and I realized that not only was I crazy about this little guy, but that he and I had an indescribable connection that every parent feels with his or her child. Waves of emotion come over me like a tidal wave. Worry wakes me in the night while tears find their way down my face when I think about how much I love him.

Unfortunately, it’s not clear if he’d say the same thing about me. At the rate, this kid is smiling and cooing at any passerby, I’m going to need to call his agent just to get a little face time. This kid seems to love everybody, will be held by anybody, and gives that special, toothy grin to just about anyone who’s breathing. What I thought was a special bond feels more like a temporary flirtation, which could find me replaced by any Tom, Dick, or Mommy.