I asked psychologist and author Bethany E. Casarjian, Ph.D. for some ideas about smoothing the transition. Is there a way to re-center and gear up for the demands in each distinct realm of our lives? She assured me, it can be done. But it requires some thought and self-coaching.
“When the storm of work and home demands rage simultaneously, it helps to remind myself that no matter what, there is a core of tranquility deep within me, even if it’s not readily observable, that I can call upon to carry me through,” says Casarjian, herself a mother of three, and co-author with Diane H. Dillon, Ph.D. of Mommy Mantras: Affirmations and Insights to Keep You from Losing Your Mind (which I’ve featured on TheWellMom.com).
Casarjian told me that when it comes to being away from her own children, the mantra “Give up the Guilt” helps her let go. On the flipside, she says, “Lock it in” is an empowering way of telling oneself to hold onto the “the incredibly positive feelings that often accompany working ... like a sense of mastery and accomplishment, external validation, and the opportunity to eat a meal without someone spilling milk on you.”
Building on Casarjian’s advice and personal mantras, here are a few ideas for those times we are pulled in two directions. I’m trying out all of them right now.
The Well Mom Guide to Being in Two Places at Once
1. Accept it is impossible. Except maybe on Star Trek.
2. Give yourself time to regroup. Whether it is reciting a mantra, listening to relaxing music on your commute, or just taking a deep breath before you walk through the door (to your office or home), recognize that a transition is necessary.
3. Be present. Once you make the decision to be in one place or the other, be there. We are experts at appearing to be successful multi-taskers. But the reality is that none of us fool anyone (especially our children), when we try to be all things to all people at the same time.
