I admit I occasionally (okay, always) over-explain things to my children. However, after being mothered by a woman whose one and only comment to me on the subject of sex was, “It only takes once,” I prefer to err on the side of providing too much information. I mean, really, would it have killed her to at least define “it”? Or maybe finish the sentence with something like “ ... to get pregnant, change your life, catch a disease, ruin your reputation?” I don’t know, something better than the equivalent of a Sex Ed Mad Libs with none of the blanks filled in?
Of course, I’m too hard on her. After all, this is a woman who taught my brother and me that our bodies have “po pos” (me) and “tee tee things” (him). Any expectation that she possessed the capability of saying the words “sex” or “intercourse” is obviously unreasonable. You can imagine my mother’s distress at the following exchange that occurred a few years ago between her and my recently potty-trained daughter:
My mom (always one for a clean po po) seeing my daughter exit the bathroom: “Did you wipe your bottom?”
My daughter with a tiny wrinkled brow: “No, I wiped my vulva”.
Silence.
My daughter upon seeing my mother’s face and mistaking my mom’s horror for misunderstanding, “Vulvas are on the outside and vaginas are on the inside.”
My mother’s continued silence and slackened jaw then elicited the grand finale of:
“You know, your vagina? Where your babies come out?”
My mother, who is now waaaaay past responding to my daughter, turns to me and says, “You teach her that to bother me!”
Me, as deadpan as I can muster: “Yes, mom … I had children for the specific purpose of raising them in such a way as to torture you.”
Now, I honestly do not teach my children things for the sole purpose of bothering my mom. That would be sadistic and exploitative of my children. However, I cannot deny that I do get more than just a little guilty pleasure when my children make my mom uncomfortable by matter-a-factly discussing subjects that were laden with shame in my mom’s house when I was growing up.
