Okay. So I haven’t written in a while, and I understand some of you are worried, because I’ve scared many with my last entry, including myself. But all is well … better. Much better.
I’m seeing a therapist now. She is wonderful. Although, something happened that was not expected. It was actually feared. I went on vacation.
My sister, mother, and I went to Colorado for seven whole days to attend a family wedding. This is big for me, seeing that I haven’t been out of my current “rut” and environment for months. This would mean restaurants, family meals, many choices, anxiety, temptations … the thought of my upcoming challenges nauseated me, as I didn’t know what to expect. Unfortunately, the unknown is always negative for me (at least it always has been, and so how should I expect any different?)
Well, I was wrong. Way wrong.
The nervousness of entering a whole new house for a week, with a different schedule (an unplanned one at that), was overwhelming to me. My usual feeling of nausea and fullness after eating breakfast was not there, and I was actually starving all day long. For me, this was wonderful, because I felt like my body was detoxifying itself. I felt lighter, cleaner, more pure. My skin glowed.
I ate. I actually ate. And being around different foods, and being away from my “trigger” foods, was anxious and uncomfortable, but acceptable at the time, seeing it couldn’t be changed.
Then, it was a relief. I was adjusting. It was amazing. I smiled. I woke up and smiled. I dressed up to “beautify” myself, and felt that I actually succeeded! I felt pretty, and I dressed it. I wore cute skirts, cute tops, and makeup. I did my hair. I got wasted at the wedding reception and made out ridiculously with two guys … got my libido and confidence back. I drank Honey Moon beer and straight Amaretto Liquor, my mind free of adding numbers and calories and free to enjoy myself. I even ate half a piece of wedding cake (absolutely divine by the way!) to allow my self to slightly sober up a bit to prepare for the “after-party” in the best man’s hotel room, who was my cousin. (Might I add the cake trick worked!)
So this is only part of my wonderful Colorado experience. My goodness, what a difference a mile can make … thank you, Denver.
