I have struggled with depression for eight years now and it doesn’t get any easier. With time it only gets harder and harder because you get so sick and tired of putting up with it not knowing when you are going to be “normal” and not depressed again.
I’ve recently started going to a psychiatrist a year ago and, while I’m proud of myself for finally doing something I feel will eventually correct my depression, I still get very aggravated and frustrated because I hate feeling depressed and worthless, and feeling as if I do not want to do anything because I have no energy whatsoever. The main thing that kills me is that I can’t go out and do the things I really want to do and enjoy life the way I want to, because I feel like I am held back by my depression. I just don’t feel like doing anything and it breaks my heart because I don’t want to feel like this, but I’m made to have to.
It’s just not fair that I have to go through this and to not know if it will ever go away. That is what really hurts. I have a history of mental illness and depression in my family, and I know this is where I get it from. I have tried to cope and bear with it as much as I can, but it can really be exhausting dealing with this disease. I know eventually I will feel like myself again, and I can’t wait until that day comes, but in the mean time, I’m trying to hang in here and look at it the best I can and have a positive attitude. I guess that is all I can do for now.
Into the Darkness
By: Mindy Smith (View Profile)
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I sincerely empathize with your frustration. I too have had depression for several years that has recently gotten worse. I also have eating disorders which may or may not cause or be caused by depression. (Which came first...?) There is also a (slight) history of depression in my family. Depression is a terrible thing to live with and it breaks you down. Not feeling like doing things that you once enjoyed just make you feel worse. I really hope your psychiatrist is helping you...I tried therapy again recently and it didn't help me, it actually made me feel worse because they didn't understand and acted like I was crazy or something, when the thing with depression, for me at least, is that you are fully aware of what's happening to you, but you have no power over how you feel. Anyway, you're right, you need to keep a positive attitude as much as possible...I really think that is all you can do. And don't lose hope...
I'm glad that there are other people out there that have the same condition that I have that I can relate to and talk to about things because for the longest time I talked to no one about it and that was heartwrenching to have all those feelings bottled up inside for so long. So I appreciate your comment. The thing with depression is that it can make you feel like you are the only one in the world who feels so bad the way you do, so its comforting to hear from other people who experience the same things in life.
I want to tell you that you are a very brave soul...I too experience depression which is part of my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder....I know full well how that gloom just keeps coming back and often with no discernible cause and how other people don't understand that the depression takes away the ability to even get out of bed or a chair and that at the time you really want to do something...I also know how inwardly "grinding" it is and the not knowing when will it ever end....It seems for me that it's very difficult to suffer and when people want answers to what's wrong and I have no answers to give....I feel like I have to make up some excuse for my "negative" behavior.....I know that unless others want to learn what's depression like for you there's no way to explain it that they can understand....Whenever I remember I use some learned coping skills...Things like Deep Breathing [concentrating on one breath at a time] and to hug my stuffed critters plus others....Know PEACE!!
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