Six months ago today, I had a partial thyroidectomy. Translation: half of my thyroid and half of my metabolism was cut out. I had a large nodule on one side of my thyroid that had begun to produce extra thyroid hormone and made me hyperactive. The surgery was a great success. The nodule they removed was completely benign. It turns out, I had two nodules—a secret twin! For those confused by the reference, do yourself a favor and watch this one-mintue clip.
I just read through some of my highlights of the surgery that I wrote immediately after. Like I predicted, it made me laugh. (My sister always said I should be a comedist.) I’ll publish what I sent to my friends after the surgery. I’ll leave out some of the gory details. But here are some highlights:
- Dr. Daniel Roses is a thyroid surgical genius and I am eternally grateful for all of the thousands of patients before me that served as practice.
- That said, I happily accepted the slightly cocky bedside manner* when I discovered that my scar will be half the expected size (two inches instead of four inches)—thanks again, Dr. Roses. For a further description of a slight incident that justified the cockiness, see below.
- A good anesthesiologist is worth her weight in gold if you successfully wake up AFTER the operation and not during it.
- Morphine shots in the stomach didn’t take me to the good place everyone told me about and they hurt like hell. Getting them also made me feel like the medic in Saving Private Ryan.
- I discovered this secret anti-nausea “patch” they gave me to put behind my ear. Not sure why it’s so secret, but every single person that I asked about it post-surgery acted like they had never seen such a thing before. Why such mystery about an anti-nausea patch? I immediately thought this was something to mass market. Think about it—too many Cosmos the night before? No worries—just stick the patch behind your ear and you’re good to go!
