Every morning I get up about an hour earlier than my two toddlers. I need this time to relax, to get ready for the day, to just “be” without any distractions. My husband, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He takes time for himself at night; it’s not unusual for him to still be up, puttering away at one in the morning. You see, self-care goes beyond the basics of feeding and dressing ourselves. It goes beyond even getting enough sleep or developing healthy relationships. Self-care means knowing yourself well enough so that you design a life that allows yourself to thrive, to flourish.
Some people shy away from self-care because that they are being self-indulgent or selfish if they focus on themselves. But oddly enough, the complete opposite is true: when you take care of yourself, you can take care of others. Relationship expert John Gottman has a great way of explaining this seemingly paradoxical truth. He says that we all have “debits and credits” in our lives. When your bank account is adequately filled (by taking care of yourself), then you can give to others. On the other hand, if you are depleted of energy and resources, then you are operating “in the red” and are already coming to interactions with others with a negative, depleted mindset. Considering self-care through this viewpoint, it makes sense that you need to “stay in the black.” Unfortunately self-care is not a one-size-fits-all type of method. Everyone has different needs and require different things in order to feel cared for.
I can’t give you self-care; no one can. But I can point you in the right direction by helping you become more self-aware. When you do this, when you are aware of, and listen to, your own thoughts and emotions, you can respond to your needs using the best possible methods. The following are guiding questions to help raise your awareness:
Self-Care Method #1: Become Aware of Your Mind—Do you say “yes” when you really should be saying “no”? If so, are there certain instances when you do this more than other times? Practice saying “no” so that you’ll be able to do so when the occasion actually calls for it. Do you get overwhelmed, irritable, or angry more than you’d like? What triggers these intense emotions? On the other hand, when are you most at peace? What can you do so that you feel peaceful more often? Do you find yourself being more judgmental, opinionated, or negative at certain times? When? Make a conscious choice to tone down this defeating habit.
