The Different Selves of Me

I have a problem with people seeing only the “me”  that they want to see. Right off, let me say that when it comes to my children, that’s fine with me. They see “Mom”  and that’s who I am first and foremost to them. No, my problem is with others, whether in real life or online. So I’ve decided to just put it out there and say what I have to say about it.

You’re right. All of you; whether you’re my best friend of thirty years, my ex-husband, or ex-boyfriend, my friend from church, or work, or an online friend. So I’m going to make it easier on all of us and clarify these many selves.

Mom: This is me. This is my main identity, something I am satisfied with and happy with and blessed to be. I’ve never regretted for a moment the three children who call me by this little three-letter word that so empowers me to be the person I am today. From the moment I first held that nearly nine pound bundle of wonder in my arms over twenty-two years ago, I have felt a completion in my soul that at that moment in time, all was right within the universe. I’ve had two miscarriages; one was far enough along that we knew it was a boy. They are my angels in Heaven and I miss them no less because of the other three. I’ve felt my children’s pain and heartache, their victory at games, their joy in opening presents, their love for each other and me, and if I were to never know the love of a man again, I still would feel completely blessed.

Daughter: This is me. Somewhat non-traditional, though. I have had several men call me their daughter. My biological father, my adopted father, my stepfather, my uncle; each in his own way has stamped my path and relationships with men. I’m stumbling around in this business of being a biological daughter, not too sure just how I fit in. But I am my mother’s daughter. I know this. Through it all she has been the constant in my life. She tells me she regrets certain choices she made as a young mom with me and I can see that in my relationships with my children. When my aunt told her that she and my uncle wanted to adopt me, she drove all night from wherever she was to come and get me. I guess we all need a wake up call from time to time.

Sister: This is me. I have a total of six stepbrothers, one half-brother, one stepsister, four half-sisters, two adopted sisters, one adopted brother, and three cousins who are like sisters to me. Have I lost you yet? I am closest to my youngest half-sister, my half-brother, and the stepbrother we lost three years ago next month. That’s the biological dynamics of the situation. I’d do anything within my power for any or all of them.