How I miss you, my darling son. I miss your smile and laughter. Your green eyes dancing with mischief. Your flaming red hair you never liked and I adored. You never got lost in a crowd with that hair. Mama always knew where you were.
I miss watching you from our porch, with my heart in my throat, while you did your daredevil stunts. And you always walked away without a scratch. I miss watching you play basketball in the driveway, by yourself and with your friends. I miss tucking you in at night and saying I love you. I miss hearing your music coming from your room. I miss the phone ringing off the hook with all the little girls that called you. You were always popular with the young ladies. I miss your smell and the sound of your voice. And yes son, I miss all the things you did for me to help out. You were always mommy’s helper. I miss you riding shotgun—and helping with your little brother. It saddens me greatly that he was so young when you were called to heaven. I will always share stories about you with him. And tell him he had a great big brother who loved him.
I don’t know why God called you to heaven. I only know that I find myself tormented on my knees praying to God to please be real. Because if there isn’t a God and if there is no hope of ever being with you again, then truly your death would be a tragedy. And that would truly make me insane. So I walk through life grieving and praying. The only thing that gets me through each day is the hope of being reunited with you in God’s kingdom.
So now I’m sending you all my love and prayers in this letter. No goodbyes. Until we meet again my darling son Matthew.
Your loving mother,
