Almost six months ago, the pastor of my church, my pastor, was removed immediately. He was having an affair. Things happened abruptly. The church was in pain and the board members were trying to figure which way was up. Life as our church knew it changed over night.
I could write a whole post on how the church handled things wonderfully (and they did). But I am sitting here with a full heart and dried tears and to tell you how God worked in my life personally.
How could a leader do this to a congregation? How could the man who was always there for me spiritually, fail?
I know all the answers, and I logically knew I could not even begin to cast the first stone. But yet, deep in the corners of my heart there was a lack of forgiveness and remaining pain. Forgiveness is a journey I found. I could forget about the pain my pastor left for a short time, but then it would come back and hit me like a wall and I became angry again.
I shared with one friend, “I just want to know he was sorry.” Like I said, he was removed immediately; one Sunday there, the next Sunday gone. I think I struggled with trying to offer forgiveness to someone I was not sure wanted it. I did come to a point where in my head I forgave him. I forgave him for letting me down, I forgave him for all the pain he brought to the church, I just did not know if he cared though. Until last night …
We were sitting in morning church during a normal service, then right before we were excused to leave one of the board members said, “Ex-pastor (don’t want to give names) wrote a letter and asked us to read it to the congregation, but we said we would not and would like him to come in person to read it. So he will be here for evening service to read a message.” There were gasps in the congregation, and I am sure each person spent the afternoon wondering what was going to happen. Remember, it has been about six months since this happened, so as a church we have really been trying to move on.
Sunday afternoon I spent ironing and praying. Praying that my heart would receive my ex-pastor’s words with the right spirit. And trying not to let any anger get the best of me. Sunday evening service was packed! The sermon was awesome. We even spent some time in prayer, praying for our church and praying that we would be a church of grace and mercy. Then my ex-pastor walked in; he looked like a broken man. He was invited up by the head deacon, and my ex-pastor said (with shaking hands), “You have been my family for thirteen years. I messed up and I am here to say I am sorry. I am asking for your grace and mercy.” He was a broken man, and tears were falling. At the end of the service, we were able to come up and say a word to him. While standing in line I wondered what I would actually say. When I got up there and looked in his face, all I could do was thank him for always being there for me, and that I forgave him.
