There are moments I’ve been guarded, but there are also moments I’ve felt my pulse quicken and my imagination soar about what this relationship might become. There are reasons to believe this could be love, and there are reasons to believe he might not call me once we’re back in civilization, have each had a hot shower, and are dressed in street clothes again. There is a lot to be determined, and it makes me nervous. I’m used to knowing the answers.
I have promised Sam that on our last night we can do what he’s been craving, and sleep deep in the forest, away from the other backcountry campers. By early afternoon, we discover our sleeping spot for the evening, a little plateau on the side of a mountain just big enough for our two sleeping bags, the stove, and a spindly-looking tree. We spend the day hiking and swimming. By nightfall, our preparations for the evening are complete. The bear canister has been placed fifty yards from our site. Our fire is lit and blazing. Sam and I are relaxing and enjoying the heat of the flames, when suddenly Sam stands up and starts shouting in response to a noise coming from the direction of the cliff’s edge. We both realize in the same instant that our visitor is a bear, standing no more than ten feet from us. Though I try to reassure myself that the type of bear usually walking through Yosemite is not known to hurt people, in the glow of the light, the bear seems absolutely beastly, fierce, and ominous. He pauses and looks at us, his huge eyes making contact with mine, and then slowly continues his walk up the mountain.
We realize the proposition that exists: go or stay. Leaving quickly and heading back to the main camp means traveling two miles in the same direction as the bear with only our flashlights and sleeping bags, hoping that the rest of our gear isn’t ravaged during the night and knowing the odds are that we’ll meet him again on the way. Staying means being completely alone and vulnerable, taking a chance in a world that does not belong to us. We decide, shakily, to stay.
