During high school, my peer group was sixteen going on twenty-five and most had long legs for kicking pom-poms and wrapping around their senior boyfriends’ waists. When they stripped down to their thongs, my eyes bulged with wonder. “Don’t they hurt?” I’d ask. “No,” one girlfriend quipped, “It’s as if you already have a grundie so there’s nothing to pull out.” So I wore thongs too, until I discovered the boy short, and that was the day the thong was banished from my underworld.
I thought the thong-thing would be passé by now, what with all the developments we’ve made with visible-panty-line technology. Alas, judging by the number of pages dedicated to the thong in the latest Victoria’s Secret catalog, it appears to be here to stay—firmly wedged between fashion’s cheeks.
Wondering if my fellow females were suffering for their invisible panty lines, I thought to create a non-thong support group where we could burn our thongs and share favorite non-thong recommendations. My girlfriends gave me enough who, what, and why to ensure that a) We will all be at ease in our undies now and b) I will be very at ease—and accurate in my visualization—next time I need to make a speech in front of them!
Drum roll please …
Our Top Bottom Pleasers
Who: The “I Want to Feel Sexy on Any Given Wednesday” Girl
What: Felina Veronica Low Rise Boyshort, Jezebel Seduction Brazilian Boy Panty, and Mary Green Contrast Lace Boyshort
Why: These are my picks. The lace doesn’t cut that sensitive area of my thigh and they don’t scream “VPL!” under my tight tooshie pants. The Veronica number is just simply H-O-T in my favorite shade of blue. A co-worker swears by the Mary Green shorts, explaining that they are ridiculously comfortable and when purchased in packs, ridiculously cheap.
Who: The “I Want to Ride High in the Sky” Girl
What: Calvin Klein Naked Hipster
Why: As a girlfriend aptly put it, the Naked Hipster, “feels like a soft cloud around your crotch.” Thank you, Calvin!
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