Fear of Crafting

I belong to a minority.

During a time when women everywhere are having stitch ‘n’ bitch sessions, printing their own greeting cards, and starting new businesses selling their handmade underwear, I am part of that small group of females that not only dislikes crafting, but fears it.

And, as a member of this minority, I’ve experienced minor discrimination. Since I don’t join urban crafting circles, attend urban craft uprisings, or worship at the First Church of Crafting, I’m snubbed and scorned. “You don’t craft? Why?” I’ve often been asked, in tones of shock and disgust. Ladies, we’re all on the same side here, aren’t we? Just because I don’t carry a canvas bag full of yarn and needles, or materials for a scrapbook, around with me wherever I go (in case I find a few brief seconds during the day when I can knit one and pearl two), doesn’t mean I’m not your sister.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the end products of crafting. I’ve been the recipient of a scarf, several screen-printed t-shirts, a necklace, and a handbag—all homemade. What scares me are those huge needles, the big baskets of thread, the knickknacks, the obsession, the addiction, and the time commitment. Sure, I may have a phobia of commitment and issues with patience—but for the sake of this piece, let’s leave my therapist out of it.

I see women knitting on the bus and in airplanes; they seem as happy and relaxed as I feel, reading the Hollywood issue of Vanity Fair. But I find that hard to believe. They are working. I am not. I am soaking in style and culture and politics. They are narrowly avoiding stabbing their own fingers with each stitch and knit. How can a hobby that has the risk of unraveling at any minute be relaxing?

I fear crafting like I fear Sudoku, escargots, and acupuncture. You guessed it. I fear what I do not know. I suppose I could take a moment to learn how to knit, or become acquainted with a sewing machine. I could also run a marathon, but you don’t see me doing that, either. I’m full up with hobbies right now, and the trendiness of crafting annoys me. Oh, I’ll still buy all the crafted wares at my local ladies’ boutique, but I don’t want to make them.

I also don’t want ladies who do craft to hate me because I don’t want to craft.