Let’s Split the Check

It’s a common custom among friends and business associates going out to breakfast, lunch, or dinner to disregard the tedious process of dividing up the check. Rather than determine what each person had to eat or drink, many simply divide the total, tip, and tax evenly. While “Let me get the check” or “Let’s do separate checks” are more musical to my ears than “Let’s split the check,” I can’t help but think that who ate or drank what and how much they ended up paying for it is too much ado about nothing.

I can just hear the whispered dialogue now:

“When we get there, ask for separate checks as soon as we sit down. Otherwise, we’ll end up paying for their food!”

Now, there’s a series of thoughts guaranteed to kill even the most hearty of appetites.

Of course, I’ve heard horror stories of people who go out to lunch or dinner and then eat and run, carefully avoiding pay-up time, rudely leaving everyone else to fund their food and drink. There’s also the freeloader who goes out to eat with a group and then conveniently forgets to bring his wallet or credit cards; or the business associate who has two martinis, a bottle of wine, and three beers with lunch, while you’re sipping water with lemon. Afterward, he suggests that, since you’re both on expense accounts, the check be divided fifty-fifty. I’ve been to the latter party more than a few times during my working life. Typically, I write it off, literally and figuratively, to the other person having too much to drink, and, as a result, not realizing that my department is subsidizing his.

Economists have conducted scientific studies into the phenomenon known as “The Unscrupulous Diner”—that selfish individual who enjoys exceptional meals at bargain prices. One conclusion they reached is that people generally dine better than they normally would when they know they will not have to pay the full amount for their bills of fare.

I can see where vegetarians and teetotalers might side with the economists. If you’re a vegetarian, your meal of pasta and salad usually costs considerably less than a meat dish. Similarly, if you don’t drink alcohol, or, if you prefer water that is free to soft drinks that aren’t, you can end up paying more than if you had separate checks. One solution that would probably make many people happy is to divide the drink check from the food check, have the people who had drinks pay for their drinks, and then divide the food check equally among the group. Now, this might seem unfair to the aforementioned vegetarians or the people who aren’t particularly hungry. I certainly can sympathize with the former, but as for the latter, if you aren’t hungry, what are you doing going out with a group to a restaurant in the first place?

With large groups, it’s very easy to pay more than your fair share of the tab when someone says, “Let’s split the check!” The math is not on your side with more people, more food, and more expenses.