Court Rules That Parents Can’t Name Child Talula …

Recently USA Today reported that parents in New Zealand lost custody of their nine-year-old daughter for naming her Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. That’s right—someone named their kid something that belongs on a plastic toy from a tourist shop in Honolulu. And they’ve lost custody of her for being so ridiculous.

USA Today reported that the girl was so embarrassed by her name, she didn’t tell her friends, going by “K” instead. The judge ordered state guardianship of the child in order to change her name legally. He wrote, “It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap.”

Ah, but she’d get along great with kiwi children with similarly silly names, including, cites USA Today: Number 16 Bus Shelter, Keenan Got Lucky, twins named Benson and Hedges and Violence, the latter of which makes a fine screen name for MySpace, but a lousy moniker for, say, an accountant or a teacher.

So far, in a survey on USAToday.com, 80 percent of people have voted that a child’s name can constitute child abuse. Just ask Satan. The child named Satan, that is, not the real one. Oh, you can’t. That one was blocked by the authorities, along with Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Stallion, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucky, Sex Fruit, Fat Boy, Adolf Hitler and 4Real. Are these parents 4Real? Ask Mr. and Mrs. Does the Hula From Hawaii.