I awakened to the cries of a neighboring little girl in the middle of the night. “Mommy, I’m scared,” she screamed, which was normal for a three-year-old who had woken up and then realized that she was alone. In the house that I cared for over the weekend, tucked into the trees of the Oakland hills, sat the silence I crave which fuels my independence. It’s in quiet spaces such as these where I get a break from the city’s bustle. I get to feel warmer skies compared to the summer fog and enjoy a well-landscaped garden with an outdoor speaker system that plays poignant lyrics from the stereo. In the evening, the sky turns from orange to pink to purple and I realize that with the changing moments in nature, I have also enjoyed the changing moments that have led me to my solitude. These moments remind me what it’s like to be alive.
It doesn’t always start out this way, in fact, it rarely does. I had had a tough week (hell, a tough year), and had invited every girlfriend I knew to join me at this hillside oasis in order to provide me with some solace. But as it goes, people are busy and people have plans. It wasn’t until I ended up spending the weekend alone that I realized it was exactly what I needed. I think life does that, it gives us what we need even when we can’t always see it at the time. And what usually happens, and what happened again this very time, was that I realized how lucky I am. Because I’m a woman who actually enjoys her own company.
It wasn’t until I moved back to America after living in Asia that I realized that, along with my independence, comes an innate desire to acknowledge the interconnectedness between us all. In Asia, boys and girls (and some men and women) walk down the streets holding hands. They show up as a gaggle of giggling girls or as an extended family relating at every hour of the day, even when they sleep on the same thin mattresses at night. Grandmothers take care of their granddaughters, fathers drive their sons to school on their motorbike handles, and aunt and uncle visits are an everyday occurrence.
