To My Favorite Ex-Boyfriends

By: Amanda Pagliarini (View Profile)

On a recent late night, back patio, alcohol fueled gabfest with a friend of mine, we took a familiar turn down ex-boyfriend lane. A menagerie of lessons learned, stories that shock, poking fun, all in an effort to justify or understand how we arrived at where we are today.

In my book of dating dramas, I have had some chapters of wonderful people who left lasting impressions on me. It made me want to speak to those particular boyfriends and thank them for their role in my life. So I will.

Dear Tommy,
You were the cutest boy at Cherry Run Elementary. Some of the fondest memories of my childhood were spent with you. Riding bikes, hanging out at the pool, and of course, our hour long make out sessions in the underground tunnels by the creek. I remember shouting out of the school bus window to each other, “Love you times ten!” And I really did.

For our elementary school years, you were my main squeeze, but then I lost you when we moved on to middle school and high school. I don’t recall speaking to you, or even passing you in the hall. Do you? As I went through my phase of being “too cool for school,” I lost my innocence. When I think back today, you were a large piece of that innocence.

My mom has always told me when she runs into you and how kind you are to her, and I always looked forward to the day we’d reconnect. I was delighted when I found you earlier this year on MySpace. At the time, I had just begun writing again; beginning the second part of a book I’ve been working on for a couple of years. I tend to get very pensive about life when I’m committed to writing, and so I began replaying over and over in my mind how it was that we lost touch when we still occupied the same spaces. Part of me got very sad, and then a bit angry. I wanted to call you and demand to know why you left me behind. That if we hadn’t become so irrelevant to one another, that maybe you could have saved me from the life I was to endure for the next decade. But I knew you wouldn’t understand. And I knew I couldn’t have been saved from myself anyway.

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posted: 09.17.2008
Aria Leigh
This is like the 12 Step Program for Alcoholics! I think this is a great idea...did you actually ever send any of these letters to your exes? You definitely gave me an idea:) Great stuff!
posted: 09.10.2008
Richdxii
This article was the one that sucked me in, from the male prospective this was a great read to know or to understand it's not personal but just a process in the the evolution of who we are and what we hope fully will manifest our selves to become. That's the good thing about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new.; right now. Thanks
posted: 09.02.2008
Alicia
Absolutely LOVE this article, although the last bit, to Micheal, made me a bit sad, as I am still with my, "Micheal". You described our relationship to a tee... we love each other to pieces, but at the same time, i hate the hell out of him, and so much of what he stands for. Anyway, what a lovely trip down memory lane, with so much thought included... thanks... for the great read, and the great memories!
posted: 08.30.2008
Tharan
Most men actually know quite well how to treat women and love them unconditionally. Our sensitivity to your feelings are what help us do the right things during the courtship. But unfortunately, there is always that one experience (hopefully not more), that leaves us jaded and bitter to our core. I feel for Christian and Scott. You see, our mothers and daughters never hurt us in this way. We are created pigs, not innate. The story of your dating life reads like a consumer product ad. But we men, on the other hand, never forget you. You will always be our ideal. And men are quite the idealists. Our broken heart is the reason we cheat and lie on the women that follow you. They are never you. Where did you go? While you are pragmatic and able to effortlessly move to the next adventure, we know in our hearts that our one true love is gone, skipping through another adventure with "what's-his-name." And finally, he is us. Never forget that, next time you wake up next to an insensitive pig.
posted: 08.30.2008
M M
Kerry, I can't believe you can relate that tale and refer to yourself as "a little ball buster." I've got two stronger words for you. When my son was in pre-school, he drew a heart on a piece of paper, signed his name, folded it up, and put it in Abigail's "cubby." The little Witch tore it into a million pieces and put it back into his cubby. He was absolutely crushed. My husband and I were shocked at the heartlessness that act represented to a 4 year old boy. Did Abigail HAVE parents? Did Abigail's parents teach her to respond to demonstrations of affection in that manner? How can my son, now 12, stay as sweet and open as he is amazes me, in light of the treatment he will receive by people like Abigail? Did you ever talk about what you did to your parents? What did they say? Have you ever figured out why did you responded that way? Did he ever talk to you again? If so, why? What that representative of your future relationships with men? Oh, sorry, "boys."
It feels good to write.

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