The 4-Way: Playing the Numbers

By: The 4-Way Panel (View Profile)

Dear 4-Way,

Why do guys ask for your phone number and then never call?—JT

The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer

News flash: girls do it too. Next time ask for his number. This puts you on an equal playing field. Have you ever been the one who has to make the call? It’s not easy to put yourself out there. Unfortunately for some, simply asking for a number and getting it means you’ve already “won” because you GOT THE NUMBER. Sometimes the fear of possible rejection outweighs the risk of the making a second connection. I’ve learned that life is short, so don’t wait for things to come to you. Get his number and make the call.

The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown

The hell if I know, JT. Maybe the fun is just the actual act of getting the number, Swingers style. A guy friend once hypothesized that maybe the asker had too many drinks and forgot that he had gotten my number—until he came across it a few weeks later all crumpled and illegible in his wallet. My friend thought maybe the guy felt too stupid to call at that point. Sigh. Maybe you should get their number or email address from now on, as an insurance policy.

The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox

Because somewhere during the required three days (the time needed to ponder what he will actually say when he calls you), a strange phenomenon occurs. Many men—especially those in their twenties and early thirties—experience a most unfortunate side effect when a phone number is obtained. He misplaces the balls he once had which allowed him to ask for your number in the first place. Try as he may, he cannot locate them again and therefore lacks the courage to dial you from the device in his pocket. But there is hope. Once he matures, he won’t lose said balls after gathering a phone number and he’ll show the courage and respect needed to actually call the person who seemed so intriguing in the first place.

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posted: 08.06.2008
Sonny
Assuming I'm NOT interested in going out again, I call if I say I will. Doesn't mean I'm going to call to ask you out again, but I will call to say hello. If the topic of going out again comes up, I'll just say tactfully I'd like to keep it as friends and let her decide if she'd like to continue the relationship in that manner, she may not. It's only right give her that option.
posted: 07.23.2008
Happy 1
Swinger style? I am almost offeded, yet, I wouldn’t put it past anyone, but EW, swapping humans for sexual healings is obviously not a religious trait. There is a purpose behind this that has all to do with satisfaction that lacks within there own relationship, enough to find satisfaction in another. I would never bring my partner down to any lines of that extent. Mutual respect is more important to me than receiving shlong from another women’s husband. So, take this from a “single women’s” perspective. If they don’t call, I say, they might be giving you a chance to “want” them (seducing), they might have better guy things to do, work, perhaps not interested. The hell if I know. (smile)
posted: 06.03.2008
Sara Musfeldt
Total "swinger style." Love it.
posted: 06.01.2008
IVF-MD
I agree with Chris. There are no absolutes. Sometimes men ask for a number and follow up with a call one day later. Sometimes, men ask for a number and call one week later or one month later or never. There are an infinite number of different circumstances that could explain this. One interesting finding I've noticed lately when getting a phone number is something that has happened to me five times already. I ask for a number and the girl turns right around and either tells me to call her instantly, thereby capturing my number on her phone, or she does the reverse and she asks for my number so that she can call me instantly, thereby allowing me to capture her number. This is all occurring while we are still having an ongoing conversation. Either method serves to make sure that we both have each other's number in our phones. We also get to confirm that neither of us copies the number incorrectly. Ahhh, technology.
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