Virgo
Nobody does analytical or rational quite like you, Virgo, but lately some of your numbers just aren’t adding up. How many times have you gotten frisky this month? And how many times have you cleaned your house? Those numbers suck! Just because your sign is a virgin, doesn’t mean you have to act like one. Put down the Windex, put on Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” and take a good hard (and yes, rational) look at yourself. By the second verse, you should be seeing the talented and beautiful Virgo you are. After that, call up your partner, your wanna-be partner, your friend’s brother, or even the guy that works at the corner deli and tell that person that you’re ready to get your freak on.
Libra
Libra, you are so wise, fair, and just. You’re like a little do-gooder Pollyanna, out in the world making the normal, self-obsessed people look like slobbering animals. The thing is (and you know this better than anyone does because you’re so fair) that you really need to walk in someone’s shoes before you can judge them. So put on those spiky red heels you bought for “someday,” put on some lip plumper, and start mingling with the other side this month. Then you’ll realize why people are so self-absorbed—it’s because it’s so damn fun. You’ll see.
Scorpio
You know you’re the shit. You’re passionate, determined, fearless, and vibrant; but you can also be self-possessed, vengeful, and spiteful. Take for instance your fellow Scorpion, Tonya Harding. She was America’s sweetheart, skating her precious little heart out until she went berserk and had Nancy Kerrigan whacked in the knee. Keep your passions in check this month, my little Scorpio, because under the calm and collected surface, you are becoming increasingly impatient with someone in your life. Try to remember that you can’t control everything and you are dangerously close to going Tonya Harding on someone’s ass.
Sagittarius
You will start the month feeling like the queen you know you are. But your crown will slip a little as the days go by and your royal subjects (you know, your friends) start to get annoyed with your royal expectations. Mid-month you may find yourself thrown out of the kingdom while you watch as a new queen is drooled over by your friends. But don’t worry, she’ll eventually slip up and say something behind the royal court’s back and be exiled. By the end of the month, there will be an empty throne and you’ll have a prettier crown to wear.
