I was excited to tear open the envelope when my new Lily vibrator came; I wanted to see if it lived up to the hype, and once I got a glimpse of the sleek, beautiful purple box it came in, I got even more feverish.

Inside the packaging, the Lily was cradled in a sleek and sturdy black carrying box, which reminded me a little of the kind of box an expensive watch comes in, only larger. My expectations rose even further. Once I opened that, I saw the Lily—a tiny (three inches long), smooth device slightly reminiscent of the shape of a hand (only smaller) or an elongated egg. The plug-in charger (way too luxurious for batteries, thank you very much) and the tiny silk carrying bag were packed underneath.

I have to hand it to Lelo, the makers of Lily—they know how to set the mood with sexy, fashionable packaging. But could the Lily’s performance match the perfection of the packaging? After (anxiously) letting it charge for two hours, I decided to find out.

The Lily is multi-speed, so I turned it on its lowest speed to see what it felt like. Not quite enough. I bumped it up a speed. … and up and up again, eventually taking it to the highest level. While you really can’t go wrong with anything that’s buzzing away at your most sensitive area of pleasure, I have to say that even on the highest speed, the Lily didn’t quite have enough oomph for me. I found my mind wandering (“I wonder what’s on TBS right now?”) and began to imagine Lily in an arm wrestling match with my other old stand-by, the Waterproof Nubby G. Lily was the well-dressed metrosexual who was afraid he might screw up his perfect manicure, while the Waterproof Nubby G was practically bulging out of his manly plaid flannel shirt to do anything he could to please me. Eventually, the daydream took over in reality; I fetched my Nubby G to finish the job in a more satisfactory (and less restrained) manner than I knew the Lily would ever be capable of.